Once upon a time, there was a
grandmother named Sarah. Every day, she would read her beloved granddaughter,
Rachel, a book. One day she chose Cinderella, that hallmark of fairy tales and
children’s stories. Rachel’s mother Rebecca, who is Sarah’s daughter, noticed
her mother’s choice of story. Later in the day, Rebecca asked Sarah not to read
Cinderella to Rachel anymore. The end.
In the above story (names have
been changed), Sarah is my mother’s best friend, Rebecca is her right-wing
Orthodox daughter, and Rachel is Rebecca’s daughter as well as the sweetest four-year-old to be found, may
God keep her. Now, why is it that Rebecca didn’t want her daughter exposed to
Cinderella? I wish I could say it’s because of the questionable feminist
implications of the story, or the undue importance of physical beauty that the
story stresses. Alas, that’s not it.
The reason Rebecca didn’t want her
daughter to know the Cinderella story? Because it talks about a stepmother.
When my mother told me that Sarah
told her this, the sheer stupidity of it floored me. It didn’t take me long to
appreciate the extraordinary irony in the situation, since Rebecca’s parents
have been divorced since she was a kid (although neither ever remarried). However,
what bothered me most about this wasn’t the inherent irony, but the fact that
Rebecca is actively denying her daughter the opportunity to hear about alternative
lifestyles.
Since the family is pretty religiously
conservative, it would be unfair to expect them to expose their daughter to
lifestyles that may be religiously questionable. However, there is absolutely
no religious issue with a widow/er or divorce/e remarrying and giving his or
her children a stepmother/father. In fact, it’s a religious obligation for a
woman whose husband died without having children with her to remarry his
brother.
So why is Rebecca so reluctant to
expose her daughter to the concept of a religiously acceptable family lifestyle,
albeit an alternative one? Honestly, I don’t know. But I can guess. And my conjecture
is a fear of anything different.
It’s understandable to be wary of
the unknown. However, everyone knows someone who’s divorced or widowed. It’s very
far from being a rarity or uncommon occurrence in this world. We don’t live in
a vacuum; throughout life, we meet all sorts of people from all different
backgrounds. As a result, we have to teach our children that lifestyles other
than the one they lead exist. If a little one is raised in a household where
there are two heterosexual parents who have never been divorced or widowed,
s/he needs to hear about one-parent households and same-sex parent households and
blended families and so on. If a child isn’t exposed to alternative lifestyles,
s/he won’t be able to comprehend them when s/he does finally encounter them. This
is what leads to bullying and bigotry and baseless hatred.
To avoid this unfortunate fate and foster tolerance and understanding among
children instead, it is imperative that we expose them to alternate lifestyles.
Children, by nature, are innocent and accepting. They don’t have the prejudices
and biases that adults possess, since they haven’t had as much time in this
world to absorb them. Because of this, we must teach them not to be afraid of
people who lead different lifestyles. They’re also people. They just live in a
different way. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
There are many legitimate
objections a parent can have to Cinderella. The mention of a stepmother,
however, is not one of them. I wish I could say that Rachel’s story has a
happily ever after and Rebecca has seen the light regarding alternative
lifestyles, but that’s just not how the plotline went down. I just hope that Rachel is able to learn beyond what her parents are willing to teach.
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